Only Two Choices?
MUSING
Before the filter between thought and words had the opportunity to slip into place, I blurted out, “I disagree!” too loudly and abruptly, and to my surprise and certainly to the surprise of those people in our small group, especially the leader of this creative experience. What a way to dampen creativity!
Upon reflection, the words spoken were the truth and represented a strong belief. While I would’ve liked to have softened my words to be more eloquent and to be able to be heard, the importance of speaking up remains unchanged. You see the assumption was being made that the audience was either in a romantic relationship or looking for a romantic relationship. The choices were distilled to two, and there are many more to consider including embracing the life of being outside of a romantic relationship and perfectly accepting and content. Experience and observation proves that moving from a relationship into another without pausing, or even questioning if a relationship is an appropriate choice, is fraught with turmoil and often pain.
I was raised with an inference of the possibly mistaken assumption that one found a husband, got married and lived together ever after. There were not many, if any, role models when I grew up of single independent women in the area I lived. Yet, even then I enjoyed time alone time by myself, and today there are often times when I welcome my own company for extended periods of time. When this occurs, that does not mean there’s anything ‘wrong.’ It may point to a deep recognition that external relationships will not sustain us long term if we do not first love ourselves as we are…. Or at least try.
The search for external relationships can be a deterrent to looking inward. Do not hear any inference that long-term relationships are or are not important. What I am stating is energy is needed to support a meaningful relationship. There are spaces in our life when that energy is invited inward.
So when the assumption was made that one was either in or looking for a romantic relationship, my inner truth spoke loudly. If we are single, that may be a choice or the current life path, and we can find joy in the journey. Far too often I have, and I’ve seen other people, move into relationships coming from a sense of lack and looking to the other person to help them feel complete and whole. Yet, our sense of whole and complete as we are in this moment, must come from the internal place of knowing. Without this, a relationship becomes dependent on feeling whole, which then results in trying to control the relationship.
Having been in a marriage that resulted in each of us going our separate ways after 11 years, and then being single for 11 years before entering into another committed relationship, I recognize the importance of regaining my balance and sense of self. In many ways I had lost the sense of who I was at my core, sacrificing too much in an effort to try to keep the marriage together, and the same was true for him. Over time I intrinsically understood that without me doing my own work, my happiness would be elusive, regardless of any relationship. And so off to work I went on my Self.
Some of this journey included moving into the deep dark recesses of the shadow or dark side. It was unpleasant. I did not like it, and I did not enjoy it… and yet I continued. Some of it was focused on inner child work. The introspection that surfaced were exactly that needed to understand what fuels and exhausts, and the balance between. This is a journey not easily undertaken and I do not recommend going down that journey alone. Help in many ways is needed, and I found especially valuable the help of professional and spiritual guides.
Each person‘s journey requires them to find their own path. With or without a romantic relationship.
MODALITY
The body always knows. The body is a recording device, a hard drive of sorts that holds in memory every event that has happened, especially those parts of our journey that were traumatizing, full of shame or guilt, or too much for us to process at the time. When these residuals are layered in the body, often emotional, mental and eventually physical symptoms appear.
The body is a conductor of energy, Divine energy coming into the body via the prana, life force, the very air that sustains us and fuels us. When we are born this energy flows freely into the body, supporting us and helping us to thrive. Then, and it happens to all of us, life events happen that we could not, would not, or did not process at the time. These life events are part of the human lesson plan we were born with, and they are our teachers.
As the life events pile up, unexamined, blockages begin to occur in the body that do not allow this energy to flow freely. So, over time, the 100-watt bulb of us, metaphorically speaking, that we were born to be, diminishes, until our brightness is but a fraction of our capacity.
Yoga therapy invites these areas of blockage to be examined, from a feeling, sensing perspective. The invitation is to allow the body to ‘speak’ as those places of blockage are presented, to be with what is as it is, without needing for it to be any different. Then, often, the blockages begin to soften, and sometimes even dissolve. With ongoing practice, we minimize layering more energy blockages in our body, and can allow those that have been created over a lifetime to soften, and often dissolve… at least some of them.
When this happens, we experience heightened clarity. Our wattage begins to increase. And we shine brighter, energy moves more freely, and our body can be restored towards wholeness, physically, mentally and emotionally. So that we can then live more freely as the unique, Divinely designed, beings that we are, shining brightly!
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