Doing The ‘Wrong’ Thing
MUSING
The flight will be full. The middle seat between me and the window, currently empty. My traveling companion sits in the aisle seat across from me. A young father and his three-year-old son approach asking if I’ll move back three rows and take a middle seat. I hesitate. He then suggests he will see about doing an exchange back there. I watch. An exchange is done that results in the wife of the window seat occupant being next to me. A perfect solution?
Yet I am invited to notice my resistance. My unwillingness to make the effort to move and relocate all my stuff. I judge myself. How can I, who advocates kindness and strive to do so, fail so miserably? It is a lesson. In my humanness. In not wanting to be judged. And not wanting to be inconvenienced. Am I seen as heartless and inflexible? Mayhaps. Is that who I am? Outwardly sometimes yes. I am both kind and heartless, sometimes. Sometimes I am flexible and sometimes I am inflexible.
Does the outcome influence the justification of my action? Is it somehow okay? Am I justified in knowing that I would have moved if someone else was unwilling to be inconvenienced?
These are the very real aspects of looking at our interior spaces. Knowing that sometimes our actions support our beliefs and sometimes they do not. Can we/I be gracious with myself as I see my own shortcomings? Can I let go of dwelling on what I wish I’d done versus what I did?
Here’s the reality. The deeper we go into our shadows, the more we see what we may prefer not to see. As Rumi so eloquently says: (can I) greet them [the shadows] at the door laughing and welcome them in?
“A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor...Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. “ Rumi
It’s a journey …
MODALITY
One of practices that helps me open to the shadow parts is meeting with my spiritual director monthly. You see, I know that if I am doing the work I cannot help other people do the work with authenticity and integrity.
What is a spiritual director?
For today my definition is a person who listens deeply and with unconditional acceptance to you. This person is a guide of sorts to help me see how Source/ Divine/God is working in my life. The person acts a mirror back, reflecting what I might not otherwise see. Gently asking questions that invite a deeper examination of what I may have otherwise overlooked. Like a guide lighting the way on the spiritual path.
Curious? Reach out to see if a spiritual director might help you on your path. I’m available for a free consult to help you make this determination. My approach is unique, in that it is based on going beyond thinking to allow and invite breath and body to guide what is there to be revealed. And if I am not a good fit for your needs, I have a network of other people to whom I can refer.