Muddling
We all have tendencies to want to step in and fix someone, something, or the situation. Often this comes from a place of heartfelt love, wanting to support and ease the suffering of another. Equally often, might be the tendency to avoid discomfort? Uncomfortable situations can invite more of a tendency to want to fix. When I follow this tendency, it inevitably gets muddy and the clarity of the situation becomes tied to whether the person listened to my suggestion. It can so easily shift from wanting to help, to wanting to be the person with the solution.
A person that I love dearly is going through a difficult time that includes taking a break from work. Instead of pretending I have the answers (because I don’t) I am allowing and inviting this person to be on their own journey. Sometimes questions are shared and occasionally options mentioned, and I let them go, not to be returned to again, even if I think it is a part of the answer. Choosing instead to trust the scattering of options are like seeds, they may or may not be watered.
As I continue to be in this experience, and knowing the importance of self-nurture, time was set aside for one of my current favorite creative outlets, paint pouring. You see for me paint pouring is a spiritual journey; I have some influence in what it will look like at the end because I pick the colors. Yet once the colors are picked, I have no idea how the paint will flow, and if a compelling design appears. Through many paint pourings I have learned to trust the journey…usually.
Just recently, I decided to try a large canvas, the largest I've done. I immersed myself in the color selection, in the pouring process and then waited to what would appear. Part of this journey is watching the images move, meld and evolve. In the morning, my eye was more critical and I wanted to try to change it. Now there was an inner voice that said, quite strongly, ‘LEAVE IT ALONE.’ Did I listen? Nope. I overruled, thinking I could improve what had appeared. This was about not being sure of outcome rather than embracing what had appeared. So I pushed that small voice aside and started to muddle (‘to bring into a disordered or confusing state” – Oxford’s definition). I added more paint, I mixed, prodded, tilted and ended up with an outcome that looks very much like I interfered with the process, it is rather a mess.
Yet, muddling became a metaphorically visual learning experience for me. To have a visible representation of damage that inflicted on this canvas, on this creation, because I opted NOT to listen to that voice, instead deciding I didn't like what I saw and wanted to make a change. Isn't this so like how we show up for people or situations? We want the person/situation to be just a little bit different. Usually, so our life can be a little easier, or so we think. Or the situation feels uncomfortable so we try to make adjustments to it so that it feels more comfortable. At least that’s the story we tell; it’s to help the other person(s) but it might be me and not the entire group. Just saying, maybe this is true.
The paint pouring is a beautiful metaphor of what happens when I interfere with a natural flow. When I decide I know best and ignore the nudges of intuition. It's been an illuminating lesson, a reminder that invites me to laugh at this experience with the delight of seeing the shadow of wanting to muddle and the invite to let it be, as it is.
If you'd like to join me in a paint pouring experience, check out the offering on the 16th of this month. Come prepared to open the heart, and allow whatever shows up to be fully received… without interference or muddling.
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Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.