Forgive For Being Who They Are

I prepare for class experiences in various ways. This time I chose to pull a card out of the Chakra (major energy centers in our body) deck. Up pops the heart, and specifically forgiveness. 

I read the reading that accompanied the card and began to ponder, who did I need to forgive? How was I wanting something to be different so much that in a way this desire was planting seeds of resentment? After just a few breaths - it felt like bolt struck me. I needed to forgive my dear husband for being who he is. This was not because he had done anything directly malicious towards me! It was really about me and not him - I needed to forgive myself for all the times I have wanted him to be something other than he is, and how this was creating a barrier in how I showed up for, with, and towards him. It was a powerful realization. It is an ongoing process to witness all the ways I want people to be different than they are, including me, and my husband. 

Unfortunately, I’m not alone in this. We humans have a tendency to want people to change because, well, usually because our life would be somehow easier. At least that is what we think on the surface. As this becomes subconsciously embedded, it can easily build internal resentments, creating patterns of behavior we no longer notice. This is especially true for people we have been around or who we have even chosen to partner with for a long while. This is detrimental on many levels but I didn’t really even realize this is what I was doing until I opened myself to the Chakra card, the message about forgiveness, and used breath to open my heart. I took a pause and this flash of insight invited me inward. 

Without the  allowing of stillness, I would not have been given this message. in most moments of stillness the message is not so strong or even quite so humbling and captivating. This is why so many people including myself return it again and again to study. This month I am studying ishvara pranidhana, (one of 10 yogic spiritual guideline) and I feel that invitation daily,  multiple times during the day -  to surrender to the Divine. This helped me receive this invitation to forgive with such a startling clarity. 

That is why I encourage more study of these ethical and spiritual disciplines. Starting soon, is a six week virtual journey exploring yogic guideposts for spirituality is taking place. These are applicable to all people regardless of their faith perspective.

And this journey is life changing! I did not share this story with my husband until several days after the ‘ah ha’ moment.  I asked him if he had noticed anything had changed between us, to which he replied ‘you’ve been much nicer.’   

So this has become my invitation and practice over the holidays. To notice when I am wanting the situation or person to show up in a way that I perceive as being somehow ‘better’ and to take a breath and allow whatever is, to be as it is. Allowing the grace of ‘this’ to be my teacher and seeing if I can melt just a little bit of whatever resistance is showing up that gets in the way of allowing people to be just as they are in that moment.  I invite you to join me for this practice and see if you find there are shifts or changes within.

I plan to take this invitation of 'allowing people and me to be who they are' with me - especially during the holiday season when it is so easy to tune-out to what "is" as I want something to be different.  I extend the invitation to you as well; to allow what appears to be as it is, and to notice when you want people to be something or someway that they are not. 

Join me and an intimate group (limited to six) on this journey. Click here to find more information.