Burning Bright
“May the fire inside you always burn brighter than the fire outside you.” -Karen Salmansohn
I spent much of my life as a teenager and beyond ‘being’ angry. Anger wiped out other emotions. It covered the fear lurking under the anger: of not being enough, of not fitting in. Anger propelled me into college and the fire of anger fueled the separation from farm life in Minnesota, leaving parents and the familiar, and road tripping to Arizona. Anger invited an expression of my ‘I can do this [on my own] and helped me see my capacity and determination. Anger also was a cover for fear, making sure vulnerability was never around as I didn’t trust myself to stray too far from the familiarity of using anger to protect and keep people away. Vulnerability would have given way to fear, to see me as I was and what that may have meant at the time. It also kept me at arm’s length from people, not willing or able to be real. I was unable to feel fully and allow life to be experienced as it was.
Anger did not welcome trusting in abundance. No way! It was up to me to make abundance on my own (believing I actually could) and, once earned, to hold on tight to it.
Gradually, over years, with the love and support of people who cared, the anger began to melt and I allowed myself to feel the fear and to embrace the vulnerability. About that time I sought the guidance of a spiritual teacher, and this continues for it supports me in my journey. I also began, with encouragement, to support ways of moving inward; to turn the fire inward to fuel me in an opening, revealing way. There were many practices that helped me move towards this place of examining what was beneath the fear, covered up as anger. One of these was being introduced to a meditative practice that had such an impact it continued to be part of my daily ‘showing up for Self’ for 20 years. My, then young, children noticed a shift in me when I started this practice, and more than once, usually prompted by an outburst or shortness from me, would inquire ‘Might I need to practice my meditation? Or had I missed it this morning?’ 😔
This anchoring meditation practice over many years gradually yielded way to other practices, some daily, and other practices interwoven based upon what will nourish me. It has taken decades to recognize different practices can support different times.
It is with this recognition, and knowing the importance of being listened to by an open, unconditionally present person, that Kim deBeus and I are offering a 90 day exploration journey inviting you to ‘try on’ different meditation practices, one a week. These practices may seem surprising because they do not require us to necessarily sit in stillness and silence.
Certainly most practices can be helpful and sometimes variety is important for our growth. Through conversations with many people, I have learned that sometimes the idea of ‘meditating’ conjures up images of perceived failure because ‘my mind keeps generating thoughts and so [false conclusion] I must not be doing it right.’
If you’re feeling in need of a practice reset, or looking to add a new flavor, or simply get started on a daily practice, join us. 90 days is a perfect amount of time to develop the memory muscle of habit and to see and feel an impact. The practices we will be sharing help nourish and fuel your inner fire. For me, these practices allowed a whole range of emotions to be explored, and to begin to accept more of who I am as I am. It just might do the same for you!
This exploratory experience also includes one-on-one time for ‘deep listening’ combined with [optional] weekly gatherings via Zoom. Curious? More details are here or reach out with questions.