Bright Star
I lay there, basking in the warmth of my granddaughter's heartfelt compliment, "Gram, you're a bright star." The words tumble out, pure and unadulterated, touching a chord deep within me, stirring a wellspring of love and gratitude.
Then comes the unexpected turn, the disclaimer that casts a tiny and important shadow over the moment. "But not always," she adds, her voice certain.
As I receive this honest appraisal from a precocious eight-year-old, a bit of disappointment shadows initial delight. The ego, eager for validation, had momentarily threatened to inflate with pride and is brought back to earth by her qualifier. Oh, I do love the innocence and honesty of children. ☺
With curiosity, I inquire, looking for glimpse into her assessment of when my shine was tarnished during our afternoon together. Her answer is simple yet profound: it was the moment I denied her the second teaspoon of sugar.
A ripple of laughter escapes my lips as the significance of her words sinks in. The innocence of her observation, coupled with the triviality of the incident, highlights the fragility of our self-perceived perfection.
Her words were not intended to criticize, rather, they were an honest reflection of her perception, a reminder that no one is immune to human imperfection when viewed externally, as she was doing, or internally, as we often do with our thoughts.
Her disclaimer from her authentic point-of-view helps to deepen the trust between us. It reinforces that our relationship is based on more than idealized perfection and the foundation of mutual respect and understanding is deepening.
As I turn out the light and kiss her goodnight, my heart sings. "Thank you, my bright star, for reminding me that even amidst imperfection, perceived or real, we can shine with authenticity and love."
Shutting her door, I ponder the layers of our interaction.
What do you do when someone offers a heartfelt compliment? What about when that compliment is followed by a disclaimer? Inquire or let it go? How is your interior landscape altered by the compliment, or the disclaimer?
Certainly the situation, relationship and our state of being all impact how the specific compliment and/or disclaimer is received. However, both have the potential to be our ongoing teachers.
For me personally, this wondering about and witnessing our internal (and sometimes external) reactive patterns is captivating and fascinating,… and always a teacher.
A whole lot of energy is spent trying to do more of what we like – the activities, the work, the company we enjoy, actions that may invoke compliments – and avoiding what we dislike. What if this energy were partially allocated to being with what is, as it is presented? My experience suggests that is where the evenness of being can occur; when it does, it feels peace-centered, easeful, joy-filled and being in the flow of life.
My offerings are under the Even Being umbrella. This was intentionally selected many years ago as a representation of how the practices offered can impact our life. It is also aspirational and invites me to see how and when my evenness is disrupted. What causes the ripples, or even crashing waves, in our state of being? It is often due to not being fully with what is; moving into avoidance, confrontation, defensiveness or other kinds of behaviors negatively impact an even state of being.
A state of even being invites equanimity and acceptance, to embrace the entirety of our experiences, both positive and negative. It invites us to live more fully in the present, cultivate a sense of presence. We begin to accept what is, especially when we would like it to be different.
I am grateful for the gift of her unwavering love and the opportunity to learn from her unfiltered wisdom.
How to continue this journey towards even being?
Unconditional Love: Towards yourself first, then it begins to impact your relationships. Be kind, gentle, and know this is an ongoing journey of moving toward, not fully arriving at.
Self-Awareness and Reflection: Take time to explore actions, thoughts, and feelings from the lens of each being our teachers.
KNOW You Are Not In Control: No matter how much we plan and try to anticipate the twists and turns, ups and downs of life, it is not within our control. Accept this and life becomes much easier. What we can control is our response. Period.
Express Gratitude: Gratitude shifts focus to the abundance, to what did work out, and how you chose to respond regardless.
Curious about how Even Being can help? Here’s more explanation, click here.