Braking Before You Brake
Over the holidays, serendipity offered me the opportunity to meet two different couples traveling here for a break. Given this occured on the same day but in different settings, I took note. As we conversed, I learned that each of the couples included a nurse that worked front line. Both of these nurses had been called upon to work extensive and extended shifts since the middle of March, since COVID patients began appearing in their hospitals.
By their own descriptions they were in need of a break. All the overtime was not going to keep them sane. Each shared in different words how they knew they were near their breaking point. So, despite all they have seen in the care of COVID patients, each made the decision that they needed, that they were desperate to take a break away and apart from what they were facing daily in the care of critical patients. They didn’t say it, but it didn’t need to be said; this break was critical to keep them in a position of relative sanity. It will allow them to return to their jobs of caring for patients who may live or may die with a little more balance, a little more perspective, and with their mental and emotional beings more balanced.
As I reflected on the synchronicity of meeting not one but two nurses working the front lines, both back east, the recognition of giving it your all …and then knowing when you were about to break was so evident in my conversations with them. One said that no matter how much self-care she practices, it cannot erase away the stress of being with people as they die alone and isolated due to visiting restrictions.
They both shared they came to Phoenix for the sunshine and because ours is a relatively open economy. They know first hand the risks of contracting COVID. They deal with these patients, often at the end of life, every time they show up for work. Yet they also knew that they had to balance that with retaining their own sense of self. One said she was very close to mentally collapsing and that without getting away she just didn’t know what would happen.
We are both strong and fragile at the same time. We can show up diligently and sacrifice our needs for extended periods of time. And, we all have a point where we intrinsically have some awareness it is not in our best interest to move beyond. Yet, the warning signals are often ignored. Driving our physical, mental and emotional aspects of our being for some purpose that is beyond our capacity benefits no one. Self-sacrifice can also can also be self-destruction.
As we begin to look towards 2021 one of my intentions is extravagant self-care. I’m not sure of what the nuances will be around this intention and yet I do know it is symbolized by both these nurses that I met. The stepping into the need to put the brakes on before we are at our breaking point. We all have differing times in our life when we need to take a break, and sometimes even push the brake pedal hard. Times for a pause to reflect, for practicing radical self-care and embracing ourselves as we are. And we know the thing is when we do this our capacity to give is only enhanced.
So as I was encouraged by these two nurses I met last week, may you also be encouraged. For just as they recognize that they would no longer be able to serve others if they didn’t serve themselves first, so too can we do the same. We can let go of the labels that we are being selfish, or whatever our inner critic voice might have been saying. We can instead allow ourselves to take the pause and be. We are human BEings.
Here are just a smattering of ways that I plan to do just that this new year of 2021:
Block out 5 to 60 minutes periodically throughout the week with the placeholder of BEING. During this time, do nothing on your to do list. Just show up for you. Maybe it’s closing the eyes and resting. Maybe it’s sitting outside, taking a walk reading a book, or gazing at the stars.
Purposely let go of the “to-do list” when an interesting conversation unfolds with yourself or with someone else. The reappropriation of time will yield much more than whatever is on your to do list.
Treat yourself extravagantly. This might mean taking a bubble bath, buying something that is not on the sale rack, or sleeping in, spending extended time reading in bed, or getting up to watch the sunrise.
Choose grace and acceptance. Let love win. It will in the end, so why resist? Let’s start with loving ourselves as fully as we are able.
If you are interested in exploring and taking breaks throughout the year on a guided journey, please see the ‘Braking before you Break’ experiential offering created just for you, to invite the pauses we all need in life.