Release and Scrub

For much of the month of October I have been releasing in one way or the other. Part of this includes noticing thought patterns that are judgmental of myself, and others that no longer serve me. 

A more tangible aspect has been sorting through and consciouslyreleasing decades-long accumulations of memories that have been stored in our garage, and mostly left untouched for the past decade. Sometimes it is hard to let go of the representation of the memories, and yet I have this deep conviction that they must be released in order for me to open up to all that is before me at this time, that being offered for me to open up to all that is before me at this part of my human journey. So, for much of the month of October I have been releasing.

I’ve also found myself cleaning. We have lived in our home for almost 15 years. During that entire time, I do not recall the window seals and door tracks ever being cleaned. One day last week I began. The next day I finished. I watched and observed how satisfying it was to watch the dirt flow off (well really be scrubbed off), to see the revealing of what was there to be seen under the grime and tarnish of layers of dirt. It felt good! 

I also noticed that I didn’t judge myself for not having done this before and that is a big deal for me. You see my mother kept an extremely clean home. So much so, that people often commented one would be able to eat off of the mudroom floor. We lived on a farm and the mudroom was for the dirty boots and clothing only it rarely looked dirty. 

It took me years, probably decades, to release this expectation that I (NOT my mother) had imposed on the standard of keeping home. As I scrubbed the door seals, I could see how I have totally let go of that expectation. The whole process was meditative and one that I welcome to because the timing was right for me. Also, I noticed that it did not need to get done all at once; when I felt it time to move on to something else, I stopped and did so knowing it could be completed the next day, or not at all. 

I also reflected on how the work that I offer with clients is so driven by the right timing for it cannot be forced. It is quite stunning to see a person release the layers of accumulated ‘stuff’ they have assumed over the years through the practices of Body Psychology/Yoga Therapy,Integral Breath Work and Yoga Nidra. This work that I am honored to offer to people – this is work of supporting the release and letting go of expectations that no longer serve, while washing away that which no longer supports us.